Nourishing Your Sober Self

light.darkness.birth.death…

December 20, 2010 at 1:34 am 6 comments

The Winter Solstice, as the darkest day moves into longer days of light, on the same day as the Full Moon and total Lunar Eclipse, while we celebrate birth and life itself, the ending of one year, and the beginning of another.     

Through the writing process this past year, along with settling into my life with all three daughters now in college, I found more time in stillness and silence.  One clear recognition that came to me during these expansive moments is about birth, babies in particular, and who I am.  Years of meditation, my first journey to India and sitting with Dolano, my immersion in Byron Katie’s Work, and various teachings of Zen masters  lead me to the recognition of ‘who I am’.     The simple and  profound knowing we’re not the body, not the mind, but pure essence, existential alive nothingness, is quite apparent in a newborn baby.  We sense the miraculous in their presence.  This soul, spirit, essence arrives in the vehicle of a tiny body-mind, as a whole, complete awe-inspiring, perfect, luminous being.   

Then right from the start, other’s thoughts, feelings, and actions become part of the life experience.  So added to this pure essence, this luminous being, is some love, tenderness, attention, affection, fear, expectation, guilt, shame, inadequacy, neglect, anger, pain, suffering.  And, we continue growing, adding our own thoughts, feelings and actions to the mix.   

We grow up and reach some level of responsible adulthood.  For some of us, that seems to be only possible with the aid of a substance; drugs, alcohol, food, indiscriminate sexual experiences, gambling, excessive busyness, achieving, or consuming.   Those of us who see the light by living long enough in the darkness, a living sort of death, then choose another path.  This path begins by dropping the substance and doing whatever work we can to reconnect with the same pure essence, spirit, that we began this journey.   This is the work, isn’t it.  From inside out, we begin to slowly recognize and dismantle the once protective armor, walls, masks, and veils which leads us back to Truth, where we find glimmers of the luminous essence of  who we are. 

 Many people have spoken about what an incredible experience it is to be a grandparent.  Listening as a client described her tender relationship with her grandchildren with such pure love and joy; it became clear to me that  grandchildren come into our lives at the stage of our lives when we’re looking at our accomplishments of the years gone by, at the body-mind aging and it’s limitations, and question what this short time of a lifetime has really been about.  We are free to show up with these new souls  without the  fear and responsibility the comes with parenting, and simply be present with pure, unconditional love for this new being, for life itself.  The celebration of any new life is a reminder to return to who we are, that pure essence, spirit; it’s especially poignant as we come closer to the time of leaving these body-minds we journeyed in.   

Sitting here finishing this piece, I glance out  the window into the pitch dark sky… not surprised to see the darkness pierced by the brilliant light of the nearly-full moon.  It’s really all a circle, isn’t it.

In the spirit of the season,  I honor this auspicious time by bowing to divine order, the earth, and all beings…

Om Shanthi ~

Entry filed under: Spirit. Tags: darkness, death, full moon, life, light, lunar eclispe, newborn, who I am, winter solstice.