Archive for October 18, 2010
A media fast…
In early sobriety, I made the decision to simply stop buying The NY Post and Daily News. Somehow, I intuitively knew it was detrimental to my search for some semblance of peace and serenity to continue buying and reading this dramatic, horrifying, graphic newspaper reporting. I would get a little ‘fix’ reading the headlines as I walked by newsstands, but would no longer dive headlong into the blood and guts, grisly, nitty-gritty stories. I was able to notice a substantial decrease in the levels of my day-to-day outrage, disgust, anger, angst, and anxiety. Since I had no TV at the time and it was pre-personal computers, I was spared that source of negative-feeling input as well. I gave up ingesting stories about car accidents, political spins, murders, lawsuits, and unfortunate overdose victims. What I found was relief in reading recovery literature and novels, going to meetings, talking to program people about living in the day, going to yoga classes to learn to be in my body and ‘out of my mind’.
When I had my first child, I discovered daytime TV talk shows. It was fascinating to watch people expose their pain and messiness while I nursed my sweet baby daughter. The media began to creep in again as I watched the news and now read the NY Times.
When my twins were still in high chairs, the compulsive hook to tune in throughout the day happened with the OJ Simpson trial. I was obsessed! It was a fired up distraction from the day-to-day mashed beets and never-ending diaper changes. I was literally glued to the set day and night for however many months that trial went on. So many hours spent in this minutia that provided nothing of any value to me or those around me. No, that’s not true. The one thing that came from the zillion hours spent obsessively watching the trial and commentary about the trial, was all the DNA talk prompted me to have the twins tested to discover conclusively their identical status. With no drama to hook into and chew on all day, I experienced a sense of loss after the trial. I eventually was able to wean myself off TV since the regular news just didn’t hold that juice for me.
Fast forward to the last big election…the Obama election. I discovered the political channels with commentators supporting my point of view. I could tune in to MSNBC at 1pm while fixing my lunch, then again at 5pm as I began preparing dinner, and then from 7 – 9pm as I ‘relaxed’ in the evening. Hmmmm…roughly 4 hours of anxiety producing political reporting I found myself needing to plug into Monday through Friday, and then whatever weekend morning shows that might continue the discussions. I could feel excited and self-righteous hearing points of view I agreed with, and angry and scornful with those other ones! I also felt somehow more American since I was ‘participating’ in the political process simply by being so-called informed. Just like ‘the trial’…when the election was over I was again let down, lost, bereft, with no drama to plug into daily. Now what? For the past two years, I tuned into those political news shows, not quite as religiously, but with enough time invested to produce shame as I owned up to it.
Thankfully, in recovery I continue to learn with the capacity to shift after enough head-banging on the brick wall. I’ve been unplugged now for about three weeks…a media fast. I find I am sleeping more soundly and have less anxiety, stress and agitation. I am reading more of the books stacked around me that inspire, provide wisdom, entertain, make me laugh, and generally feed my soul. I’m writing more. I have more energy. When I prepare meals, I’m aware of the carrots I’m chopping, or how the leaves of kale feel as I’m cleaning them, the different shades of egg yolks, the bowl in my hand as I’m washing it…I’m more present to my actual life. What a lovely gift!
What distractions, energy-suckers, negative-feeling-instigators do you have in your life that you might consider giving up to give yourself more?
